Single Woman About Town. Beware :

Sometime, I feel like I have a tattoo stamped on my forehead heralding my single status and begging for pity from passer-by especially from female ones. It is a touth sale convincing people that being single doesn't necessarily mean I'll end up living alone with dezens of cats.

As soon as people hear the words single and late twenties used in the same sentence, they instinctively offer consolation and half-hearted optimism about a future possible romantic connection. No matter, how much I may protest and assure them that I relish being single, the bottom line, according to the society at large, is that single-ites should be pitied. 

But truth be known, being single at this particular age and period works wonders. 

Personally, I don't think I'm missing out by not being romantically involved. I have a great career, fantastic friends and a strong support system, and if I may add a wonderful future ahead of me. Sure, a lot of my single friends are swiftly getting hitched and starting families, but their life choices do not reflect nor affect mine. 

However, as much as I may shout those words at the top of my lungs, the people around me assume that I must be putting on a brave front. Underneath it all, they assume, I must be an insecure woman hell-bent on getting hitched.

The pressure to conform to the standard hetero normative marriage model is overwhelming, to say the least. There is an unspoken stigma associated in seeing a young single woman enjoying her life. I have had countless relatives, well-wishers, and even acquaintances lament at my single status. The message is quite clear-I am supposed to feel inadequate because I am single. Offtentimes the message is conveyed through countless blind dates, unsolicited advice to change this or alter that to make myself that more appealing to the opposite sex, or blatant arguments that my romantic expectations are fantastical. Suffice to say, their interpretation of my perpetual single-ness stems from my refusal to conform to the conventional wishdom of matrimony at a young age. 

The subtle but potent discrimination from elder females is palpable. But now, even my peers seem to have in herited the bias. Many times, my single friends and I have detected the flicker of pity splashed across the faces of young married women when they inquire about our status. If that isn't bad enough, we, single women, must also be kept at a safe distance from the married men, lest we pry them away from their partners. 

It's astounding to grasp the numerous assumptions that are towed upon us solely on our single status. We are at once sized up, singled out, and ostracized for daring to be single in this society. The thought of us choosing to be single is unacceptable. The perennial belief is that we are constantly on the prowl for the next best male partner.

Yep, the pressure to throw away my single-ness is a constant uphill battle. There are bad days when I want to cave in and marry the next Tom. Dick or Harry who happens to fancy me: and then there are the good days when I discover that I am sheltered from the complications and distractions that a romantic entanglement might bring. I've learned a while ago that adhering to societal rules won't guarantee happiness. So, I take immense pride in knowing that I am because that is what I choose right now.

Tisa Mubaddes

is a member of 

Writer's Block

and is currently

working on a novel.

Single Woman About Town. Beware :

Sometime, I feel like I have a tattoo stamped on my forehead heralding my single status and begging for pity from passer-by especially from female ones. It is a touth sale convincing people that being single doesn't necessarily mean I'll end up living alone with dezens of cats.

As soon as people hear the words single and late twenties used in the same sentence, they instinctively offer consolation and half-hearted optimism about a future possible romantic connection. No matter, how much I may protest and assure them that I relish being single, the bottom line, according to the society at large, is that single-ites should be pitied. 

But truth be known, being single at this particular age and period works wonders. 

Personally, I don't think I'm missing out by not being romantically involved. I have a great career, fantastic friends and a strong support system, and if I may add a wonderful future ahead of me. Sure, a lot of my single friends are swiftly getting hitched and starting families, but their life choices do not reflect nor affect mine. 

However, as much as I may shout those words at the top of my lungs, the people around me assume that I must be putting on a brave front. Underneath it all, they assume, I must be an insecure woman hell-bent on getting hitched.

The pressure to conform to the standard hetero normative marriage model is overwhelming, to say the least. There is an unspoken stigma associated in seeing a young single woman enjoying her life. I have had countless relatives, well-wishers, and even acquaintances lament at my single status. The message is quite clear-I am supposed to feel inadequate because I am single. Offtentimes the message is conveyed through countless blind dates, unsolicited advice to change this or alter that to make myself that more appealing to the opposite sex, or blatant arguments that my romantic expectations are fantastical. Suffice to say, their interpretation of my perpetual single-ness stems from my refusal to conform to the conventional wishdom of matrimony at a young age. 

The subtle but potent discrimination from elder females is palpable. But now, even my peers seem to have in herited the bias. Many times, my single friends and I have detected the flicker of pity splashed across the faces of young married women when they inquire about our status. If that isn't bad enough, we, single women, must also be kept at a safe distance from the married men, lest we pry them away from their partners. 

It's astounding to grasp the numerous assumptions that are towed upon us solely on our single status. We are at once sized up, singled out, and ostracized for daring to be single in this society. The thought of us choosing to be single is unacceptable. The perennial belief is that we are constantly on the prowl for the next best male partner.

Yep, the pressure to throw away my single-ness is a constant uphill battle. There are bad days when I want to cave in and marry the next Tom. Dick or Harry who happens to fancy me: and then there are the good days when I discover that I am sheltered from the complications and distractions that a romantic entanglement might bring. I've learned a while ago that adhering to societal rules won't guarantee happiness. So, I take immense pride in knowing that I am because that is what I choose right now.

Tisa Mubaddes

is a member of 

Writer's Block

and is currently

working on a novel.

Sensibly Single :

Till date being single has worked for me perfectly. I know that I am single because I have reason to be. To me it is never an issue, as I do believe in fact and reality. Single or not, my happiness is the foremost important thing in my life. In a way, I am never single..... I always have me with me. I also have my work, my passion and my art. In a country, We have never had the privilege of knowing what it is to be just ‘me’. We are different countries girls have two is actually the father’s den and the other with our husbands. But I need to see and be in my life, my own life. in fact it is applicable for men, too. I need to feel and know that it is actually my life, after all. Being single is still a new concept in our society and it is simultaneously very fashionable and also not yet socially ‘acceptable’. But I believe it is a necessary step in one’s life, to come out of the box, out of the convenient way of life, and to deal with it practically. This gives me the strength to be an individual and to support myself Firstly, I have to be strong enough to support myself, and only then can I support the rest. In order to do that I need to know how to face reality without any back-up, this will eventually help me raise my own family in any given situation.

My father died when I was a teenager and my mom was in her early thirties. His sudden death forced us into a reality with us three children and a single (widowed) mother. She was a working woman and an exceptionally courageous one at that, and we all managed to pull it. off together as a family. I watched her struggle, constantly learning, while leading her life without any support. It was a huge pressure for her to deal with it all on her own. Over time I gave a lot of thought to the situation and realized that if she had her own life at some point she would have had the opportunity to prepare and strengthen herself for a situation like the one she was faced with when my father died. It is the same with divorced/separated women. they know how to handle being alone if they learned how to be single firstly. Of course there are many hurdles to face as a single woman, but it is still our life and we have to make the best use of it no matter what. It should be a choice, a choice of wanting to live life to its fullest. If being ‘single’ makes one feel happy, so be it! I always looked for.

Challenges and being single has given me the opportunity to see it all fun, pain, gain, all of it. Single life teaches me to be prepared, to be aware and to be accountable of my own judgment and my own decisions. I know exactly what I want from my life. Being single brings me closer to my life and my surroundings. Though it is not all fun, it is surely worth living alone at some point of our lives!

One piece of advice though: do not make single-hood the motto of your life. Keep a partner or lover as close to your heart as possible, if not close to your house. So, when the right time comes, you can be together and make life more meaningful, joyful and live with one another in LOVE.

Sensibly Single :

Till date being single has worked for me perfectly. I know that I am single because I have reason to be. To me it is never an issue, as I do believe in fact and reality. Single or not, my happiness is the foremost important thing in my life. In a way, I am never single..... I always have me with me. I also have my work, my passion and my art. In a country, We have never had the privilege of knowing what it is to be just ‘me’. We are different countries girls have two is actually the father’s den and the other with our husbands. But I need to see and be in my life, my own life. in fact it is applicable for men, too. I need to feel and know that it is actually my life, after all. Being single is still a new concept in our society and it is simultaneously very fashionable and also not yet socially ‘acceptable’. But I believe it is a necessary step in one’s life, to come out of the box, out of the convenient way of life, and to deal with it practically. This gives me the strength to be an individual and to support myself Firstly, I have to be strong enough to support myself, and only then can I support the rest. In order to do that I need to know how to face reality without any back-up, this will eventually help me raise my own family in any given situation.

My father died when I was a teenager and my mom was in her early thirties. His sudden death forced us into a reality with us three children and a single (widowed) mother. She was a working woman and an exceptionally courageous one at that, and we all managed to pull it. off together as a family. I watched her struggle, constantly learning, while leading her life without any support. It was a huge pressure for her to deal with it all on her own. Over time I gave a lot of thought to the situation and realized that if she had her own life at some point she would have had the opportunity to prepare and strengthen herself for a situation like the one she was faced with when my father died. It is the same with divorced/separated women. they know how to handle being alone if they learned how to be single firstly. Of course there are many hurdles to face as a single woman, but it is still our life and we have to make the best use of it no matter what. It should be a choice, a choice of wanting to live life to its fullest. If being ‘single’ makes one feel happy, so be it! I always looked for.

Challenges and being single has given me the opportunity to see it all fun, pain, gain, all of it. Single life teaches me to be prepared, to be aware and to be accountable of my own judgment and my own decisions. I know exactly what I want from my life. Being single brings me closer to my life and my surroundings. Though it is not all fun, it is surely worth living alone at some point of our lives!

One piece of advice though: do not make single-hood the motto of your life. Keep a partner or lover as close to your heart as possible, if not close to your house. So, when the right time comes, you can be together and make life more meaningful, joyful and live with one another in LOVE.