Marriage in Tarong

Where will he find a wife? what kind of wife? where will her husband come from? What kind of person will he be? What happens if he or she never gets married? these are important questions for most human groups, including the people of Tarong. Because of their importance these questions and their answers control behavior.

Here, William Nydegger describes how a Tarong boy obtains a wife.

When a Tarong boy decides he wants to marry, he calls on his father, another man known to be a good speaker, and several relatives. These people (but not the boy) go to visit the parents of the chosen girl.

The visitors make a formal marriage request. But the girl's parents give only vague answers. The visitors may hint about the property the boy's father will give to the couple. If the girl's parents are interested, they will set a date for another meeting. At that time the girl's answer will be given.

The girl may appear during these meeting and reject the boy. She can say "I am too young." or give some similar excuse. If she does not, it is proof that she is thinking about saying "Yes."

At the second meeting her answer is given. If the answer is "yes," another meeting date is set. They may also immediately start discussing the property and gifts the boy's father will give to the new family. More meetings may be held to settle the marriage contract. A final, short meeting is held to plan the marriage feast.

The bride and groom go through elaborate rituals on their wedding day, beginning with the wedding ceremony in the church in the nearest town. Feasting and dancing last much of the day. Finally everyone meets for the reading of the marriage contract and the transfer of property to the new couple.

The ceremonies end with the two families competing in donating money to the new couple. A large amount of money is usually collected in this way.

1. All Tarong boys and girls know about the procedures leading to a marriage. How might this act as a social control on both boys and girls as they are growing up ?
2. Do you think this type of social control would be more effective for children of wealthy or poor families ? Why /
3. Occasionally Tarong couple will elope and get married without the approval of their parents. Sometimes the parents never accept the marriage. What pennalties might be imposed on the couple ? How would the treat of penalty act as a social control ?